In addition to the material realities of deprivation, those living in poverty also are forced to grapple with a daily assault on their dignity and self-worth. This can be difficult to understand when living in a situation of privilege, where one often only has to ask for help from loved ones who assume one's intentions are good. I gained a inkling of how it might feel to rely on the charity of strangers was when I was 17 and working at a church campground, a job that required a lengthy commute by train and then bus. I would go up on Sundays and return on Friday nights. One time, I completed the three hour train journey, only to arrive at the bus station and find, to my horror, only 20 pence (about 40 cents) in my wallet. I used that money to call my boss to see if he, or someone else at the campground, could give me a ride, but they were all preoccupied with other important jobs. I was stuck.
I decided I would try to ask people on the street for money. But after the first few attempts -- met with disgusted, awkward and recoiling reactions -- I felt completely embarrassed and misunderstood. I had never realized how homeless people might feel when they ask me for money and I ignore them or look irritated. I then decided I would try to look for money on the ground. I scoured the pavement with my eyes for any glint of a coin. In about an hour, all I found was 2 pence (about 4 cents) -- the bus fare was 75 times that amount.
Eventually I decided I would get on the bus and try to persuade the driver to let me ride for free. As I waited in line, I was shaking with fear. When I stepped up and explained my predicament, I was amazed to find the slightly gruff driver waving me through. I thanked him profusely and felt a wave of relief come over me. That said, I recognize now that had I not been a white, clean cut, wide-eyed student I might not have been so lucky.
Later in life as I began working for Outreach International, I admired the way in which they gave charity, opened new opportunities to the poor, but in a way that aimed to preserve the dignity of the recipient. From that humiliating experience at the bus station, I learned that the assualt on one's dignity can be one of the most difficult things to deal with when you are reliant on the generosity of others. But I also learned from the bus driver, that being given grace, or just the benefit of the doubt, could be a gift in itself.
-Matthew Bolton
Comments